Lending Woes

Ah, personal loans, one of the major enemies of good budgeting. I could practically write a book on the subject alone. Now, it is one thing to lend every once in a while, especially if who you lend to tends to pay you back in a reasonable amount of time, preferably the agreed upon one. Don't get me wrong, I lend often, in small amounts, to one person, who has a long history of paying me back every cent, usually on time.--

But, about six, maybe seven years ago, an ex of mine had nicknamed me The Bank. At first, this unwanted title raised my blood pressure, which is hard to do, but after a while, I took a closer look at what I was doing. In fact, I had become an enabler. At the time, I thought I was making descent money, and technically, should have been dirt poor except for the fact that I was good at budgeting.

I have one relative in particular, who made it a point to 'borrow' money from me at least once a month. Borrow, to her, meant 'forgetting' she ever borrowed anything, and at times, outright denying any of my hard earned cash went from my hand into hers, never to be seen again. Being that over the years she had looked out for me, I took it in stride, and decided it was best to set aside a certain amount, and if she needed more, "I didn't have it". I had left out the "for you" part, but it was all I felt I could do to not burn bridges, of all things, over money and still keep my budget in order.

For the longest I felt guilty about hating this arrangement, and that I owed her in some way. But later, you could say the truth set me free. Everyone has choices in life, and she could have always said no to me. Anything that someone does for you is out of choice, and when you do something for someone without stipulations, well, you can't hold that over their head, else it just breeds animosity. I hadn't realized I could have said no.

And who was she to come to me? She was much older, made more than me, bills were a little more than mine, had half as many children to take care of, ( I have two, both were in diapers then ). If I borrowed a single bank note from her, she would track me down, early no less! She was getting free money just because we were family. She could go out, while keeping her own money in her pocket. She could slack off on bills, because I was making up the difference. All in all, dealing with her and others along the way, taught me great lessons...


A: Never loan what you can't afford to lose on the street.


B: Strike one, you're out. ( Didn't pay me back? From here on out, the answer is no, no, double no! )


C: Never allow someone to know how much you make or how much you have in the bank, blood relative or not. Except for your spouse, it's nobody's business anyway, anyone who asks is likely making plans with your money already. If you do well with what you have, or tend to be somewhat giving, someone will always find a way for you to spend your money on them. And even if you're not so great with money, you're still at high risk.


D: If it doesn't feel, look or sound right, it probably isn't.


E: Should you choose between lending and paying a bill on time, go for the latter. Sacrificing you or your childrens' livelihood for others is never a winning gamble. That includes, but is not limited to, buying two used cars to bail your friends or relatives out, rather than buying yourself a brand new car with a 10 year warranty. Should one of those cars become yours, what you spend on both, along with repairs will end up costing about the same as a new one, and both are likely to end up junked within two years.


F: To save yourself a lot of trouble, you can avoid all the above altogether by never loaning anyone anything in the first place. --Thus never forming the habit, or sounding like you're making excuses when you don't want to lend to Jamie, and Jamie knows you lent Mike $20 last week, and you got paid today.



Till next time...